Family Life and Friendship Network

Last year was an amazing year, and a difficult year. I learned a lot, and gained a lot, and fortunately, lost little. Early in the year I took a little break from dating. 2010 was my first full year without Julie. My grief was still fresh and new as the year began. Dating sometimes helped me with the idea of moving on, but it also reminded me of how much I hated dating, and how much I was thankful to Julie for saving me from it. In March, I went to the first LDS Widows and Widowers conference. It was one of the most spiritually fulfilling events I’ve ever been to, and I gained some real healing there. A month later, Hiram graduated from elementary school as valedictorian of his 6th grade class, with straight A grades the whole year.

After the conference in March, I decided I could date again. I dated an amazing widow I had met at the conference for a while, and gained much healing in that relationship. She had lost her husband in a very similar way to how I had lost my wife. We became very close and considered marriage, but we ended up on separate paths. I gained a lot of healing from that relationship, and hope that she gained somewhere near the same amount of healing that I did. During the summer, Hiram became deacons quorum president and senior patrol leader of his boy scout troup.

Shortly after my summer relationship ended, Hiram started 7th grade and entered Junior High. Avalon, in 6th now, will be there next year. Through the year, Benjamin and James grew up a lot. James potty trained in just a few days, which was a nice little miracle we can all be thankful for. I felt a little sorrow and loss on Halloween and Thanksgiving, but found also felt joy as I celebrated it with four wonderful children. I also started back into school, on the path to my real dreams and ambitions in Marriage and Family Therapy.

December was a miracle month. The most important lesson I learned in 2010 was finally learned in December, and it took most of the year to get there. I learned how important it is to not base my self worth on how another person feels about me. I had depended on Julie while she was alive. That might have worked had she remained alive, but God, in His all-knowing wisdom, had something else in mind, a lesson for me. Real self worth must come from two sources. First, it comes from my Savior, who gave His life that I might live. Second, it comes from within myself, independent of any other human being, with a recognition of the Saviors integral part in it. Now, I’ve always known this, but never realized how much I depended on the love of another anyway.

If you build it, they will come. That rang true in December. I finally learned to let go of my summer relationship and learned the lesson I think God had in mind for me about true self worth. I regained my sense of self-worth, this time without relying on anyone but the Savior, and having built it, she came. Since summer I had dated very little, and had little desire to date. Then I met the woman I’ll soon marry just in time to enjoy the holidays with her and my world turned upside down. No, wait... my world, already upside down, started turning upright. Her world started turning upside down... but that is the subject of my next blog entry, where I will write our story.