Family Life and Friendship Network

My dear wife Julie passed away Sunday, July 19th at 13:00. I stayed home from church to care for Julie, and my mom stayed home with me. I was preparing to move Julie to the hospital bed so she would be ready for guests through the day, and stopped to send an email. She passed away in the few minutes I was not sitting at her side. When I returned to her, she was gone. She went without a sound. Her long awaited freedom has come. She stands free from the shackles of the cancer that so changed her life over 2 years ago. Interestingly, it's almost exactly 2 years to the day - if I recall correctly - that Julie said some doctors told her she had 2 years to live. My mom and I could not ever find these doctors. I wonder if she was warned in a dream, and she thought they were doctors.

I called for mom, and she came in a few seconds - she had only been away because she was waiting for me to move Julie to the other bed. I had a few seconds alone with her body, which I am grateful for, and it was all I needed. I'm very glad my mom was there to be with me within a few seconds. I called the bishop first, since I knew he'd be in his office, and asked him to send my dad and children home. They came home in a few minutes. Benjamin ran in first. I'm glad he did because he had a moment alone with me before the other kids came, and he needed it. He was on the verge of tears, and he said "how do you know mom is dead?". I told him: "Because she isn't breathing anymore, and her heart stopped beating". Before I finished the sentence, he was bawling like a baby. I held him and let him cry. Avalon came next with dad and Hiram following. We all had several precious minutes crying together.

Before the kids came home, I texted Julie's family and called the nurse so she could come and officially state a time of death. Julie's immediate family and my immediate family came to mourn with us within a short time, and we all received comfort from one another. Today was a day of sadness, but also a day of joy. Julie was always a free and independent spirit. She is free and independent again. We knew this day was coming, and so have been prepared for it. Some say it doesn't make it any easier, but I think it does - even if it only makes it a little easier. The hardest part, I think, was all the waiting and wondering when it would happen. I don't know how many times I looked over at Julie's sleeping body, and wondered if it had happened since she was so still. A moment of panic would come, and then I'd see her chest rising and falling. Now the wondering is over, and Julie is with her mom, and so many others who love her, and who preceded her passing to the spirit world.

I'll close by saying the thing I miss the most, and what I still have. I had already lost so much of Julie, and have been missing so much for quite some time already. The only things left for the past couple weeks were occasional words, and her body, sleeping next to mine. Now my bed is empty, and her warm body is gone. I will sleep lonely, but I will rarely be lonely any other time. I have 4 children Julie left me. I still have both my parents, and all my siblings. I have Julie's family, which has been such a huge support to me as well. I also have many, many friends. So many people looking out for us has brought me more encouragement and support than I can say with mere words of the English language. Thank you all for your support.

Brandon Stout